Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Manipulation, How Not to Fall into the Trap

Manipulation is something I have witness too many times and some people have had the audacity to try to use it on me. However, I thank God for the Holy Spirit! Because just because I don’t say “I know what you are up too, doesn’t mean I don’t see it or understand it” I just choose not to participate in stupidty and ignore the person entirely, by removing them out of my life. However, I still feel it’s important to share with you how to not fall into the trap. Sadly, many people fall right into the traps of manipulators and don’t know how to get out or how to avoid these traps. Manipulation is often found in relationships, in any type, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, friends, co-workers, parents, siblings, etc. It can happen to anyone and it can come from anyone. Manipulators often play on people’s emotions and if they have just a hint that you are emotionally weak, they will play you like a fiddle. The one goal of a manipulator is to have control for their own personal gain and it often comes from some internal issue they are dealing with. Here’s some traps used by a manipulator and how not to fall into their trap.

They are often overly nice. They don’t do things for you, just because; there is always a “favor” “a request’ that is going to come out of it. They pretend to be so caring, so appreciative of you, but only if you can give and do what they want you to do. Manipulator uses the trap of giving, to reel you in. Once they feel they have given enough, they wait for their return and will remind you of everything “they did” or “give” if they have too. However, most just used the guilt trip, if they know you are a good person, than they know you will feel guilty and bad if you don’t do them “a favor” or whatever they ask for. Most people fall right into this trap blindly. Just be careful with people who just seem TOO NICE! There is something behind that.

When you identify that you are being manipulated and try to get them out of your life, they will fight back. They always used the trap of making you feel like you are the one with the problem, you are the reason the “relationship “ (when I say relationship, I mean all types, not just dating relationships) is not working, if you would only cooperate things will be better. They will make you think you are crazy, change your words around, take things out of line, make bigger issues out of nothing or something small. They will try to isolate you from others or will try to be around where ever you are, so they can have better control. They will try to blame people around you, for seeing things that doesn’t line up with their ways of seeing things. They won’t ever admit they are wrong, they will find someway to point the finger at you. They will pretend that you are breaking “their heart”, cry, get mad, shame you, some may even use suicidal threats, to get you to stay. They will pretend they are the victims, but the truth is they just want to make the situations all about them. They will try everything to get you to do what they want you to do.

Here’s how Not to Fall into the traps of a Manipulator:

If you are an emotional person, get a handle on that, because this is where the games will be play. If you are a yes person, start to be a no person. Dedicate time to being emotional stable and strong. Manipulators stay away from people who are strong minded and who will think for themselves. They don’t like challenges. 

Create boundaries. I am a private person, so this comes easy for me. Whenever I find that someone is getting too personal, asking questions to get more information about my personal life, I shut them down immediately. I simple ask them “Are you a reporter” most people get offended and stop, others I have had to flat out say “mind your business”. Take all the necessary steps to create boundaries, when people try to be in every part of your life, this is an indication that they have an agenda. I know today’s world is all about putting your business out there, but you should learn to keep some things private. No body should be so involve in your life. When you are so open to people prying into your life, you will attract all kinds of people, manipulators, con artist, etc. Manipulators hate opposition and if they can’t get in, they will eventually leave.

Be mindful of accepting unnecessary favors, gifts, money, because for a manipulator these are the tools they will use to set their trap. If you don’t feel comfortable accepting, then don’t take it, listen to your intuition. Sometimes we get excited that someone is “blessing” us with something and don’t examine the motive behind it, not everything that glitter is gold. If a manipulator sees that you always deny their gifts, they will suspect that you know what’s really going on and move on, don’t feel bad, just wave bye to them.

Don’t allow them to play the victim. A manipulator will often say words such as “ you’re mean”, “you don’t care”, just to get you to see it their way. Just tell them, so be it, pray for them and move on. Don’t entertain their manipulating ways.